Not Quite Ready for Prime Time

Pilots That Didn’t Fly & Spin-offs That Didn’t Spin

Television has always been a battlefield when it comes to getting a show actually on the air, and the P.I. genre has had it as rough as any other genre, although the nineties were particularly brutal. Some of these aired and nobody bit, and some of them never aired at all. And some of them may have never gotten past the wet dream stage.

Still, it’s fascinating to see what might have been.

• ALIAS MIKE HERCULES
  (1956, ABC)
  A pre-Ward Cleaver Hugh Beaumont as a not-so-mighty San Francisco private eye.
• PERSONAL REPORT, INC.
  (1957, Desilu)
  This unsold pilot boasted the acting talents of one “Touch” Connors, as one half of a team of former FBI agents now working as private eyes. “Touch”? His real name was Krekor Ohanian, although followers of this site may recognize him as Mike Connors, of Mannix fame.
• COOL AND LAM
  (1958, CBS)
  A.A. Fair’s mismatched detective duo were featured in this (probably) unaired pilot, but failed to set the world on fire, despite a brief intro by Fair himself (aka “Erle Stanley Gardner).
• SAVAGE IS THE NAME
  (1958, CBS)
  The pilot for this proposed show aired as an episode of Pursuit, the short-lived mystery anthology series, and starred Barry Sullivan as Henry Savage, a former FBI Agent turned security specialist for a major airline. There were plans to spin it off into a series, but there were “script” problems, and the project fell through.
• BROCK CALLAHAN
  (1959, CBS)
  A pilot aired during the summer of ’59 featuring William Campbell Gault’s ex-jock PI, but failed to find an audience.
• NERO WOLFE
  (1959)
  The episode, “Count the Man Down,” was intended as a pilot, and starred Kurt Kasznar as Nero Wolfe, and William Shanter (yes! Captain Kirk) as Archie. Unaired and unsold, but occasionally available on YouTube. Not bad.
• THE BOSTON TERRIER
  (1962)
  The first of two pilots Blake Edwards did about Harvard-educated private eye A. Dunster Lowell, played by a pre-Man from U.N.C.L.E Robert Vaughan. It aired as part of The Dick Powell Show.
• THE BOSTON TERRIER
  (1962)
  The second of two pilots Blake Edwards did about Harvard-educated private eye A. Dunster Lowell. 
• LAST OF THE PRIVATE EYES
  (1962)
  This final episode  of The Dick Powell Show, a tongue-in-cheek takeoff on the P.I. genre, featured Bob Cummings as bumbling dick J.F. Kelly (with an office in the Detectives Building).
• BRADDOCK
  (1968, CBS)
  Tom Simcox starred as “America’s last private eye” in the “near future,” but stuck to the old ways.
• EUROPEAN EYE
  (1968, CBS)
  An ex-pat American living in London works as a private eye, helping foreign travelers in trouble.
• NICK QUARRY
  (1968, 20th Century Fox Production)
  The short, 15-minute demonstration reel never even made it to the pilot stage, though it starred Tony Scotti as as a tough guy private eye, possibly based on Marvin H. Albert’s Tony Rome, although it’s more likely it was based on his other P.I., Jake Barrow, which he wrote under the Nick Quarry pen name. The show also starred Gena Rowlands, and themusic was by up-and-coming Jerry Goldsmith, who was making the leap from scoring TV to film.
• TWO FOR THE MONEY
  (1972, ABC)
  Kevin Hooks and Stephen Brooks as a black-and-white pair of young ex-cops who become private eyes, in an enjoyable but so-so offering, as generic as its title. 
• CALL HOLME
  (1972)
  This comedy had Arte Johnson as a bumbling private eye whose only real talent was for disguises. Not very interestink, apparently.
• THE DETECTIVE
  (1975, NBC)
  Larry Hagman was to play not-particularly-bright private eye, Dennis O’Finn, in this half-hour sitcom that was supposed to spoof many of his hard-boiled contemporaries.
• LAST HOURS BEFORE MORNING
  (1975, NBC)
  Ed Lauter starred as 1940s house dick Bud Delaney in this fondly remembered made-for-TV flick, but the network passed on it.
• HUGGY BEAR & TURKEY
  (1977, ABC)
  There was no huggy for this turkey. This backdoor pilot aired as an episode of Starsky and Hutch, intended to spin-off their flamboyant informant into his own show, with an uptight white guy P.I. as his partner. Apparently, fans of S&H consider this one of their least-favourite episodes.
• GABBY & GANDY
  (1977, NBC)
  The Rockford Files episode “Just Another Polish Wedding” (February 18, 1977), was intended as a spin-off for a series about odd couple P.I.s Marcus “Gabby” Hayes (Lou Gosset, Jr.) and Gandolgh “Gandy” Fitch (Isaac Hayes), but it never quite got there.
• STONESTREET: WHO KILLED THE CENTERFOLD MODEL?
  (1977, NBC)
  I Dream of Jeannie‘s Barbara Eden stars as a tough gal P.I. She’s got a gun, and a pantsuit! Well, until she goes “undercover” as a stripper/porn actress/nude model whatever she was supposed to be.
• KATE BLISS AND THE TICKER TAPE KID
  (1978, ABC)
  Suzanne Pleshette starred as a private detective in the last days of the old West, in this unlikely 1978 pilot. It was billed as a romantic comedy, but viewers didn’t fall in love with it.
• LANDON, LANDON AND LANDON
  (1980, CBS)
  A Hollywood eye is murdered, but comes back to help his son and daughter, who inherited his detective agency, investigate his own murder.
• QUICK AND QUIET
  (1981, CBS)
  A down-on-his-luck ne’er-do-well, Elliot Cooper, inherits an LA detective agency, only to discover that it’s haunted–by his late father, T.C. Cooper. Actually a reboot of Landon, Landon and Landon.
• LUTHER GILLIS, P.I.
  (1983, CBS)
  There were four or five attempts to spin-off St. Louis gumshoe Luther Gillis from the popular Magnum P.I. show, but it never caught on.
• SHOOTING STARS
  (1983, ABC)
  Parker Stevenson and Billy Dee Williams are TV actors who get canned from their roles as police detectives in a successful series, and naturally decide to become actual private eyes. At one point, one of the bad guys urges them to “Get out of the detective business!” Viewers agreed.
• THE SILENT WHISPER
  (1988, CBS)
  His family was killed and his throat was slashed by a serial killer, leaving him unable to speak, so this San Francisco cop became a P.I., vowing revenge. But by 1988, the era of the defective TV detective had more-or-less passed. One episode and out.
• THE DANGER TEAM
  (1991, ABC)
  A rookie P.I. teams up with three sentient clay figures to rescue her boyfriend, in this half-baked pilot.   ABC dumped this in the middle of summer, perhaps for a reason.
• THE OWL
  (CBS, 1991)
  Based on the novel by Bob Forward, this slice of vigilante hokum follows crazy homeless guy Alexander L’Hiboux French for “owl”) who suffers from a rare medical disorder that causes permanent insomnia, and prowls the streets at night, operating as a sort of fixer-for-hire.
• AGE OF TREASON
  (1993, CBS)
  Here’s a trend — private eyes in the days of ancient Rome. With the surprising popularity of Lindsey Davis’ Marcus Didius Falco and Steven Saylor’s Gordianus the Finder in the nineties, it was only a matter of time, I guess.
• BANGERS
  (1993, ABC)
  Produced by Frank Lupo, this one featured obnoxious comedian Andrew Dice Clay as the leader of a small gang of crimefighters. What? Ford Fairlane wasn’t enough?
• CORVETTE JONES
  (1993, ABC)
  A down-but-not-quite-out TV actor decides to become a detective. His credentials? Well, he played one for several years on the boob tube. HEY! Isn’t that the premise for Two of Diamonds?
• J.J. ARMES
  (1993 Tri-Star)
  Relates the adventures of an armless private eye. Outlandish as hell, except for the fact it’s based on a real-life private eye and, yep, that’s his real name. There was even a book about him, co-written with Frederick Nolan, in 1976.
• DOUBLE DECEPTION
  (1993)
  They aired this as a made-for-TV movie, but it was essentially a pilot. James Russo starring as Jon Kane, a Venice Beach private eye on a wandering husband job.
• ONE FOR THE MONEY
  (2002)
  Intended as a pilot done for the 2002 TV season, this made-for-TV flick starred Lynn Collins as Janet Evanovich’s bestselling bounty hunter Stephanie Plum. It wasn’t picked up, however, because, according to a reliable source who saw it in a test screening, “it was abysmal.”
• THE ZERO EFFECT
  (2002, NBC)
  Following the success of the 1998 feature film, NBC decided to try a TV show, starring Alan Cummings in the title role (replacing Bill Pullman)), whose assistant was a character called Jeff (played by David Julian Hirsh) whom I assume was the fill-in for Arlo (who had been played by Ben Stiller) Alas, it was all for naught, because ultimately, NBC chose not to pick up the series.
• THE LAW AND HENRY LEE
  (2003, CBS)
  Tentatively scheduled for the 2003 season but so far unaired, this one focused on an Oakland-based private eye played by Danny Glover. Lee’s is a former Oakland police officer who spent 18 months in prison for “protecting a fellow officer” (that’s a crime?) upon his release he becomes a private detective.
• THE WEBSTER REPORT
  (2004, CBS)
  This star-studded premise certainly looked good on paper — it was going to be a character-based P.I. show featuring a reluctant New York City gumshoe, played by Stanley Tucci, with Bobby Canavale as his brother and Ben Gazarra as their dad, and it was developed by directed by Barry “Get Shorty” Sonnenfeld. I’m not even sure if it ever aired.
• MARLOWE
  (2007, ABC/Touchstone Pictures)
  The less you think of Chandler or Marlowe, the more you might enjoy this dreadful P.I. outing. It starred  Jason O’Mara (who?) as a contemporary Marlowe, alongside Adam Goldberg, Amanda Righetti, Sherman Augustus, Jamie Ray Newman, and Clayton Rohner, and was directed by Rob Bowman. The tentative first episode, “Choices,” never even aired, but if you’re diligent, you might spot it on YouTube.

FURTHER INVESTIGATION

• Goldberg, Lee,
  Unsold Television Pilots, 1955-1989 (aka “Unsold TV Pilots: The Greatest Shows Youy Never Saw”) | Buy this book | Kindle it!
  McFarland & Co., 1991
  How geeky do you want to get? A true fan’s guide to those shows that coulda been contenders, and those that never stood a chance in hell. Lee, of course, has written a ton of TV shows in our genre, and his insider’s take on the good, the bad and the WTF? is a blast from start to finish. Most recently revised in 2015.
• Take Me to the Pilot
  A Special Report from Chris Gumprich, covering just one television season (2005-06).

Preliminary list respectfully compiled by Kevin Burton Smith, with contributions and suggestions from Gina Delvecchio and Billy Lucas. Lord knows I’ve missed a ton of ’em, so feel free to help us out.