Robyn McCall (The Equalizer)

Created by Michael Sloan & Richard Lindheim
Developed for television (2021) by Andrew W. Marlowe & Terri Edda Miller

“Got a problem? Odds against you? I can help.”

All things being equal, the 20212 reboot of 1980’s TV cult fave The Equalizer was a bit of a dud, at first.

Not that my hopes were too high. The original series, which aired on CBS from 1985 to 1989, was no great classic, but Edward Woodward tackled the role of cynical, guilt-ridden former secret agent Robert McCall with a certain quiet and gritty grace. Disillusioned by all he had seen (and done) in his years working for “The Company,” he set himself up as a sort of well-dressed justice-for-hire vigilante in New York City, dispatching his own kind of “justice” with ice-cold efficiency; the promise of some sort of redemption for McCall always lingering just out of reach.

As I said, no lost classic, and it was often compelling, and many still look back on it fondly.

So naturally, Hollywood–having recycled seemingly everything else, came sniffing around, and eventually re-imagined McCall as… Denzel Washington? The ultra-violent 2014 action flick The Equalizer was followed a few years later by the even more bloody and creatively titled The Equalizer 2 and eventually The Equalizer 3, but they were all as predictable as their titles. McCall was still a former agent, but gone were the smooth rides, the classy wardrobe or the tight-lipped demeanor of Woodward–instead we got a seemingly schlubby but charming (Hey! It’s Denzel!) Home Depot worker (and later,  Lyft driver and a meandering tourist in Italy) who pivots into a coldly efficient, shuck-and-jiving killing machine when roused. Any dumber and these films would have starred Bruce Wills.

So, when it was announced in 2020 that CBS was bringing The Equalizer back to television, and that rapper, singer, actor and force of nature Queen Latifah was going to be the new Equalizer, re-named ROBYN McCALL, I wasn’t sure what to think. The stench of Netflix’s Spenser Confidential and HBO’s Perry Mason was still lingering in the air, but Latifah was an intriguing bit of casting. She certainly possessed the grit and gravitas for the role of a disillusioned CIA operative reborn as a pro-bono crimefighter, and she had oodles of street cred. And frankly, the idea of McCall recast as a tough, savvy Black woman in 2020 sounded appealingly timely.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, any grit was filtered out and any remaining gravitas was swapped out for comic book portentousness and by-the-numbers posturing, while the whole concept of the brooding, world-weary lone wolf seeking penance was ash-canned so quickly it could make your head spin. Sure, McCall was still a former agent living in New York City, but she’s more wink-wink skeptical than Woodward’s scorched-earth cynical. She’s still a seemingly well-off retired agent, but now she’s supposedly running a couple of international charities, and living in a nicely appointed suburban home with both her often disapproving Aunt Vi, and Delilah, her predictably troublesome and headstrong teenage daughter. Both, of course, seem completely unaware of Robyn’s former occupation or current secret identity. There’s no trace of Delilah’s father, of course, although I’m sure his details will be revealed some day in a “very special episode.” But there is an awful lot of domestic drama and inter-generational squabbling among the three strong-willed women.

Nor is Robyn heading out on the streets alone–she’s got her peeps, man.  Harry Keshegian is a computer whiz with “freaky ass” hacking superpowers, which of course eliminates the need for Robyn to do much actual leg work, and his wife, Melody Bayani, is a former Air Force sniper whose aim is as true as that of Granny Clampett on The Beverly Hillbillies–and just as believable. Together the chemistry-free couple run a bar, with a Batcave-like secret room full of Harry’s computer gear and more electrical doodads than the deck of the USS Enterprise. Also on hand, at least for the first two seasons, usually lurking on a deserted street corner under a streetlight, offering advice and occasional assistance, was Chris Noth as William Bishop, Robyn’s former handler, who now runs a private security company (but please–don’t ask too many questions about that).

They even saddled Robyn with a possible love interest of sorts:  Marcus Dante, a principled but suspicious NYPD detective who serves as her cop frenemy. He doesn’t trust Robyn, and doesn’t approve of her methods, but finds himself reluctantly working with her when their interests collide. Which is most episodes.

Both the previous series and the movies, for better or worse, were at least of their time. This newest version, while aiming for some sort of nebulous wokefullness, feels disappointingly retro at times; beyond an obvious attempt to be diverse as fuck and some high-tech woo woo, the show reminds me more of a spy show from the sixties–maybe The Girl From U*N*C*L*E, minus the nudge-nuge playfulness, or perhaps Mission Impossible, minus the cleverness and complicated scams.

Latifah remains intriguing, but her character took a long time to gell–it was difficult to balance the nagging suburban mom with the swaggering urban crimefighter, dropping wisecracks as she high-kicks gang members in the face. It was all a little too comic book adjacent, and the eyeball-rolling revelation that Robyn has her own Batcave-like storage unit doesn’t help. Or her troubling apparent willingness to resort to torture to get what she wants.

Really? Who writes this stuff? Dick Cheyney?

But what do I know? The show has now reached four seasons (same as the original), and while the plots are still disappointingly predictable (and occasionally utterly ridiculous), and the villains even more so (apparently the well-intentioned diversity doesn’t extend to bad guys–Hispanic cartel guys, Middle-Eastern terrorists, etc.), she show has lasted, even as Robyn’s secrets have fallen away, with both Auntie Vi and Delilah now privy to her real occupation, and Marcus not only in the know but in–it’s hinted–her bed.

Sure, Robyn does her equalizing with a smile on her face, as she cuts through Manhattan on her big black motorcycle like nobody’s business, and she’s always, it seems, perfectly coiffed and fashionably attired, whatever the occasion. But still too often she comes across as just a well-groomed but pissed off soccer mom with a peculiar skill set. I mean, how many other shows will try to pair mean girls high school drama or curfew squabbles with murderous foreign agents or seemingly omnipotent serial killers?

Just not what I was expecting or hoping for (there are too many espionage and terrorism plots for my liking–why can’t she just help people?), but it remains watchable enough.

UPDATE

As usual, I’ve apparently missed the point, since the show’s proved to be quite popular and is—as I write this—well into its third season. I’m still not a huge fan, and the domestic drama gets tedious (Who will take Deliah to the prom? Will Aunt Vi’s dinner be ruined?), but I do enjoy the Queen getting all regal in some slimeball’s face.

THE EVIDENCE

• “I serves as an equalizer. I’m the one you call when you can’t call 9-1-1.”
  — Robyn explains it all

TELEVISION

• THE EQUALIZER
  (2021-24, CBS)
  Based on characters created by by Michael Sloan and Richard Lindheim
  Developed for television (2021) by Andrew W. Marlowe & Terri Edda Miller
  Writers: Andrew W. Marlowe, Terri Edda Miller, Erica Shelton Kodish, Jospeh C. Wilson, Keith Eisner, Zoe Robyn(?), Keith Eisner, Joe Gazzam
  Directors: Liz Friedlander, Randy Zisk, Peter Leto, Solvan “Slick” Naim,
  Executive producer: Queen Latifah and about a dozen more
  Music by Ali Shaheed Muhammad and Adrian Younge
  Starring Queen Latifah as ROBYN McCALL
  With Laya DeLeon Hayes as Delilah
  Lorraine Toussaint as Aunt Vi
  Tory Kittles as Marcus Dane
  Adam Goldberg as Harry Keshigian
  Liza Lapira as Melody Rayani
  and Chris Noth as William Bishop
  Also starring Lorna Courtney, Erica Camarano, Jennifer Ferrin
  • SEASON ONE | Buy the DVD | Watch it now!
  • “The Equalizer” (February 7, 2021)
  • “Glory” (February 14, 2021)
  • “Judgement Day” (February 21, 2021)
  • “It Takes a Village” (February 28, 2021)
  • “The Milk Run” (March 28, 2021)
  • “The Room Where It Happens” (April 4, 2021)
  • “Hunting Grounds” (May 2, 2021)
  • “Lifeline” (May 9, 2021)
  • “True Believer” (May 16, 2021)
  • “Reckoning” (May 23, 2021)
  • SEASON TWO | Buy the DVD | Watch it now!
  • “Aftermath” (October 10, 2021)
  • “The Kingdom” (October 17, 2021)
  • “Leverage” (October 24, 2021)
  • “The People Aren’t Ready” (October 31, 2021)
  • “Followers” (November 7, 2021)
  • “Shooter” (November 21, 2021)
  • “When Worlds Collide” (November 28, 2021)
  • “Separated” (January 2, 2022)
  • “Bout That Life” (January 9, 2022)
  • “Legacy” (February 27, 2022)
  • “Chinatown” (March 6, 2022)
  • “Somewhere Over the Hudson” (March 13, 2022)
  • “D.W.B.” (March 20, 2022)
  • “Pulse” (April 10, 2022)
  • “Hard Money” (April 15, 2022)
  • “Vox Populi” (April 24, 2022)
  • “What Dreams May Come” (May 8, 2022)
  • Exposed” (May 15, 2022)
  • SEASON THREE
  • “Boom” (October 2, 2022)
  • “Where There’s Smoke” (October 9, 2022)
  • “Off Dead” (October 16, 2022; aka Gaslight”)
  • “One Percenters” (October 23, 2022)
  • “Blowback” (November 13, 2022)
  • “A Time to Kill” (November 20, 2022)
  • “Paradise Lost” (November 27, 2022)
  • “He Ain’t Heavy” (February 19, 2023)
  • “Second Chance” (February 26, 2023)
  • “Do No Harm” (March 5, 2023)
  • “Never Again” (March 12, 2023)
  • “Lost and Found” (March 19, 2023)
  • “Patriot Game” (March 26, 2023)
  • “No Good Deed” (April 16, 2023)
  • “No Way Out” (April 23, 2023)
  • “Love Hurts” (May 7, 2023)
  • “Justified” (May 14, 2023)
  • “Eye for an Eye” (May 21, 2023)
  • SEASON FOUR
  • “Truth for a Truth” (February 18, 2024)
  • “Full Throttle” (February 25, 2024)
  • “Blind Justice” (March 3, 2024)
  • “All Bets Are Off” (March 17, 2024)
  • “The Whistleblower” (March 31, 2024)
  • “DOA” (April 21, 2024)
  • “Legendary” (April 28, 2024)
  • “Condemned” (May 5, 2024)
  • “TBA” (May 12, 2024)
  • “Shattered” (May 19, 2024)

THE DICK OF THE DAY

• May 4, 2021

Respectfully submitted by Kevin Burton Smith.