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Dan Turner

Created by Robert Leslie Bellem
Pseudonyms include Ellery Watson Calder, Harley L. Court, Walt Bruce, John Grange, Nelson Kent, Kenneth A. Nelson, Jerome Severs Perry & Harcourt Weems
(1902-1968)

“And then, from an open window, a roscoe coughed Ka-Chow!”

The hard-boiled private eye, born in the low-rent pages of the pulps way back in twenties, has become a remarkably resilient mainstay of American popular culture, evolving with the times, popping up not just in literature, but film, radio, television, comics, the internet, videogames and undoubtedly whatever lies beyond. He’s also proven to be quite fertile ground for writers of all kinds, from brain-dead hacks pounding out the most clichéd and purplish of prose just to pay the rent, to those who sweated and struggled over every single comma, taking themselves very, very seriously. You only have to read the innumerable letters and essays by high-faluting pen-pushers like Dashiell Hammett, Raymond Chandler and Ross Macdonald to know that these men (commonly referred to, almost in awe, as “The Big Three” of detective fiction) took themselves very seriously indeed.

But with Robert Leslie Bellem (1902-1968), the creator of legendary Hollywood dick, the one and only DAN TURNER, it’s hard to know if he was serious or not, since he seemed to effortlessly churn out so much damn stuff (it’s estimated he wrote over 3000 pulp stories, with Turner starring in at least 300 of them, not to mention 60 or 70 comic book stories). In his prime, it was said that Bellem was pumping out a million words annually, and selling every single one of them to the pulps.

But he was more than merely prolific–he was a riot. The question is, though, did he know it?

Was he was trying to parody the hard-boiled detective genre barely ten years after its birth or (and this is even scarier) was he simply, completely unaware of how funny and original his style was?

Turner’s a “private skulk,” an “orb for hire,” worked the weird and wacky (and surprisingly violent) streets of Hollywood. His cases seemed to always involve the film world, and its neverending cast of tyranical film directors, jealous husbands, amorous starlets, treacherous stuntmen and back-stabbing co-stars. But it wasn’t the outlandish, albeit predictable, plots or the cardboard characters that made the stories so fun, although some of the methods of murder were certainly pretty high on the Quirk-O-Meter.

Nope, it was the high-octane use of every slang word known to man (and more than a few Bellem must have coined himself) that fueled the tales. Women were wrens or frills, and their breasts were pretty-pretties or tiddlywinks, something that Dan, “as human as the next gazabo,” always took the time to notice. Cars were chariots, money was geetus and no one ever got killed in the stories, they were croaked, choked, cooled, iced, de-lifed or had an act of killery performed upon them. Guns didn’t go bang – they were roscoes and they spat, coughed and belched. Or somtimes they just sneezed, though the end result was the same — people ended up dead.

Dead as a fried oyster. As vaudeville. As an iced catfish.As the 1918 Armistice. Dead, dead, dead. In fact, just knowing Turner seemed to be dangerous.

Years before TV’s Jessica Fletcher watched the citizens of Cabot’s Cove drop like flies, Dan was cutting a wide swatch through the population of Tinseltown’s recently dispatched. The only other recurring character in the series was his pal, and sometime-rival, Lieutenant Dave Donaldson of the homicide squad, whose chief pupose seemed to be to get the bodies hauled away.

Bellem kept him busy. Turner appeared in each issue of Spicy Detective from June 1934 to 1947, a pulp that specialized in “racy” subject matter. Eventually, it was re-christened Speed Detective (and supposedly cleaned up), but the Turner stories continued. By 1942, he was so popular, he even had his own pulp, Dan Turner, Hollywood Detective (later just Hollywood Detective), which lasted for eight years. Not only would there be a Turner story or three in each issue, the result being that Bellem would haver written the whole issue, using a variety of pen names (and, okay, occasionally, slyly retitling an old story).

Turner even appeared in a film, 1947’s Blackmail, adapted from a July 1944 Speed Detective story, starring Richard Cortez as a blackmailed playboy who asks Turner (William Marshall) for help. Strictly B, from all reports. And more than forty years later, Turner fanatic John Wooley scripted an original story for The Raven Red Kiss-Off (1990) wherein Turner (Marc Singer) gets involved with a movie mogul, a beautiful starlet named Vala DuValle (Tracy Scoggins) and, as usual, blackmail. Apparently, this travesty went straight to VHS, where maybe three people saw it. I was one of the unfortunate few.

Then again, film’s the wrong medium for Turner, anyway. With its breakneck pace, and bursts of wonky chatter, a half-hour TV show might be a better medium, but let’s face it – nothing compares to simply reading this stuff. Hackneyed and predictable, yes, but also hilarious as hell. Bellem may have been a hack, but the gink sure knew how to commit acts of writery.

It should alsoi be noted that, even back then, Bellem had his defenders. In a now-classic New Yorker piece, “Somewhere a Roscoe,” humourist S.J. Perelman, an unabashed fan, lauded Bellem and called Turner “the apotheosis of all private detectives…out of Ma Barker by Dashiell Hammett’s Sam Spade.” And fellow pulpster Frank Gruber allowed, in his memoirs, that Bellem was a rather eccentric character, so let’s just assume he knew what he was doing.

But I bet Bellem didn’t take himself very seriously. And neither should we. Let’s just enjoy him. I mean, “dead as six buckets of fish bait”?

You have to be one sad sack of a gazabo not to get a chuckle out of that one.

Bellem also wrote vampire stories, weird menace stories, and of course, tons of detective stories. Over the years, he managed to create other eyes, including Cliff Downey, Nick Ransom and Duke Pizzatello, but none had the staying power of Dan the Man.

THE EVIDENCE

UNDER OATH

SHORT STORIES

An incomplete list, although  I doubt even Bellem could provide a complete list.

COLLECTIONS

I’m not sure if Bellem’s stories are public domain or not, but there certainly are a lot of dodgy collections and facsimile reprints by a lot of questionable publishers who seem to be ripping off each other — and me, occasionally. While some are quite presentable, others are poorly produced POD jobs that look like they were spat out by a drugstore photocopy machine that needs a new toner cartridge. Buyer beware.

COMIC STORIES

Besides the more than 300 short stories, Dan Turner also appeared in over 50 (and possibly as many as 100) comic stories. The four-page comic strip stories, all black and white, and frequently untitled, and all scripted by Bellem, most drawn by Adolphe Barreaux, originally appeared as backup features, alongside prose stories, in Spicy Detective, Hollywood Detective and Spicy Detective. They were later reprinted, in full colour, in Crime Smashers, in the 1950’s. And finally, they were reprinted, restored to their original black and white glory, in Spicy Tales: A Naughty Anthology, a 1980’s bi-monthly that featured reprints of comic stories from the pulps. And in 1991, Turner fan and pulp historian John Wooley unleashed an all-new, original Turner comic book that lasted only four issues, and called (what else?) Dan Turner, Hollywood Detective. Some older comic reprints appeared as back-up.

COMIC COLLECTIONS

FILMS

FURTHER INVESTIGATIONS

REFERENCE

Respectfully submitted by Kevin Burton Smith. Portions of the bio and bibliography were published in WordWrights Magazine as “His Typewriter Spat Ka-Chow! Robert Leslie Bellem’s Dan Turner,” with additional susbsequent bibliographical information generously submitted by Monte Herridge.

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