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Mike Hammershlammer

kevinburtonsmith

Created by Melvin Slane
Pseudonym of Al Feldstein & Jack Davis

“The papers say I’m a kill-crazy shamus. Well, maybe I am…”

For many of us of a certain age, our first exposure to spoofs, lampoons, parodies and satires — whatever you want to call ’em — of pop culture came in the pages of MAD, established in 1952 and still running loose out there in the wild of newsstands, comic shops and the fevered minds of a generation or so.

Over the years, it’s been imitated by a slew of mostly short-lived challengers, but one of the earliest and most notable was Panic. If it was a rip-off, it was an inside job — put out by EC Comics, who were MAD‘s publishers, who touted it as a “companion” periodical, and featured  many of the same artists and writers.

In fact, the very first story in the kick-off issue of Panic was the freewheeling  “My Gun is the Jury,” yet another Mickey Spillane/Mike Hammer spoof, credited to “Melvin Splane.”

Splane was actually Panic editor Al Feldstein, and the eight-page spoof featured art by Jack Davis. The previous year, MAD had given the world “Kane Keen, Private Eye,” written by MAD‘s editor Harvey Kurtzman, with art by… Davis.

And if the MAD version title seemed to be at least partially targeting the TV show Martin Kane, the real focus seemed  to clearly be Hammer and the swarm of his wannabes. Meanwhile, there’s zero doubt who “My Gun is the Jury” was setting it sights on, right from the get-go.

The title alone was clue enough, and the very first panel introduces private eye MIKE HAMMERSHLAMMER and his cop buddy Pot Chamber. And oh, that over-caffeinated intro!

“The papers say I’m a kill-crazy shamus. Well, maybe I am. Do you think I like the rats that prey on the good people in this town? Do you think I like the killers that crawl out through loop-holes in the law? Do you think I like the dregs of humanity that sit like parasites on the back of society and take advantage of the crawling stumbling machine called justice? Do you?… I track down those rats, those killers, those dregs… and I shoot! I shoot to kill! I don’t fool around with time-wasting courtroom trials… Instead…
MY GUN IS THE JURY!”

Okay, after that bull-in-a-china-shop intro, it’s a little jarring to see Hammershlammer portrayed as a slim, dapper and even foppish doofus, sporting a jaunty beret and a natty cravat, utilizing a cigarette holder, of all things — but at least he kept the trench coat. But all the misogyny and violence you’d expect is right there, in spades, as Hammershlammer goes on (and on)  about justice and vengeance in prose so overblown you’d think Spillane wrote it himself.

Hammershlasmmer’s on a personal vendetta, of course,  to avenge the murder of someone who maybe once polished his car,  and he’ s soon awash in a surprisingly detailed sea of guts and gore, blowing away several folks (“I let her have it, right in the gut, a little below the belly-button…”).

It’s a blood-splattered rip on Spillane’s Vengeance Is Mine (1950) that — like the novel itself — ends with a rock ’em, sock ’em plot twist, playing fast and loose with gender expectations. Except, instead of one of Hammer’s voluptuous babes pulling the switcheroo, it concludes with Hammershlammer himself revealed as… a woman.

Yeah.

Like, where else could they go?

Naturally, it sparked a little controversy. EC Comic’s offices were raided by the NYPD, and publishing associate Lyle Stuart was arrested, although the charges were quickly tossed out of court. Still, muckraker gossip columnist and radio host Walter Winchell promptly reported the story, leaving out the part that the charges had been dropped, and warned readers: “Attention all newsstands! Anyone selling the filth of Lyle Stuart will be subject to the same arrest!” Apparently Stuart had written a book, “The Secret Life of Walter Winchell”, years earlier. I guess Winchell wasn’t a fan.

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Respectfully submitted by Kevin Burton Smith.

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