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Thomas Magnum (Magnum, P.I.)

Created by Donald P. Bellisario & Glen A. Larson


I
just don’t get it.

Never has such a so-so show had such a large impact on the genre as the MAGNUM, P.I. A watered-down and beefcaked-up Rockford Files wannabe, utilizing Hawaii 5-O‘s discarded props and then-rising star (and former cigarette commercial star) Tom Selleck

Okay, okay, I know. You probably loved the show.

And you aren’t alone. Millions of people loved it. Love, love, loved it.

But it was all too cheesy and erratic for me. Maybe my disdain was simply generational? Maybe I’d been spoiled by the glut of great TV eyes from the previous decade, but Magnum just never did it for me.

It wobbled from wink-wink adolescent fantasy to heavy drama and back again (sometimes within the same show), and utilized voice-overs, dream sequences, characters playing multiple roles, fantasy episodes, cameos and other such gimmicks. The casual warmth and sly wit of Rockford was replaced by some by-the-numbers male bonding and a certain smug cleverness, more intent at appearing clever than actually being clever. And despite all their later attempts at humanizing the main characters, they never really came to life for me. They merely became smirky props–now with backstories!

Too bad. Tom Selleck was certainly affable enough, and to his credit, he tried to play against type, insisting that things wouldn’t always come easy for his character. THOMAS MAGNUM was a former SEAL and Naval Intelligence officer, who had seen action in Vietnam, and was now working as a private investigator (he’s got a pet peeve about being called a private detective or, GASP! a private eye) in Hawaii.

His drop-dead good looks were a lot easier to swallow when it was revealed he did have flaws (but not too many, of course), and it helped that he usually didn’t get the girl. He certainly didn’t dress for success, either. Jeans, Hawaiian shirts, and baseball caps were his basic wardrobe for the entire run. Despite this, somewhere along the line, he still managed to land a plush gig as live-in security at the Oahu estate of wealthy, best-selling (but never seen) novelist Robin Masters. Not only does Magnum get to live rent-free in the guesthouse, but he has access to all the estate’s many facilities, including a Ferrari or two. Or three.

The only catch? Masters’ major domo, Jonathan Higgins, a pompous, stiff upper lip prig, and his two Dobermann Pinschers, Zeus and Apollo, who seemed to dislike Magnum even more than Higgins did. Fortunately, Magnum had his pals from ‘Nam, Theodore “TC” Calvin, who does helicopter tours, and Orville “Rick” Wright, who runs a bar, to keep him company.

Ian Freebairn-Smith did the music for the premiere and the first few episodes of the series, but Mike Post, who went to high school with Selleck, and Pete Carpenter, who had already done the music for The Rockford Files, soon took over.

In fact, although it was no spinoff, The Rockford Files played a large part in setting Selleck up for the role of Magnum, thanks to a handful of popular appearances on that show as squeaky clean (and annoyingly perfect) private eye Lance White. One Magnum episode, “Tigers Fan” (November 4, 1987), even opens with two cops on a stakeout discussing an episode of The Rockford Files that one of them had seen the previous night, and how much he enjoyed watching this Lance White guy bust Jim’s chops.

Not that Magnum resembled Lance in any way — if anything, he was the anti-Lance. He seemed more like a smoother, less complicated version of Rockford–a hanger on crashing at a rich man’s estate, not unlike Rockford living in a trailer under the Malibu cliffs, both with a sort of everyman veneer. But Jim never drove a Ferrari.

Another part of the show’s (questionable) charm were the gimmicks, like the countless nods and sly tributes to other shows and films. Hawaii 5-O and Steve McGarrett were often mentioned, and both Jessica Fletcher of Murder, She Wrote, and the Rick and A.J. Simon from Simon and Simon showed up. Meanwhile, “Murder By Night” (January 14, 1987) was a black and white homage to classic detective films; most notably The Maltese Falcon, wherein a cast of characters strangely resembling Magnum, T. C., Rick, and Higgins attempt to solve a 1940s murder. Another episode, “A.A. P.I.” (October 22, 1986) featured TV cops Columbo, Kojak, and Detective Mike Stone (from The Streets of San Francisco) attending a convention. Stephen J. Cannell also makes an appearance. TheFebruary 27, 1987 episode, “Laura,” had Frank Sinatra drop by, in his last major acting role.

Despite the show and its star’s popularity, it all ended, not with a bang, but a prolonged whimper. The last few seasons, in particular, were full of the sort of “very special” episodes that usually indicate creative wheel-spinning, The series finale, “Resolutions” (May 1, 1988), written by Stephen A. Miller and Chris Abbott, and directed by Burt Brinkerhoff, was a letdown almost any way you looked at it.

But it was fun while it lasted. And it inspired a slew of 80s shows that tried to capture the high-flying, high-speed action scenes and the bromance of Magnum and his buddies: Simon and Simon, Riptide, Hardcastle and McCormick all spring to mimd.

Meanwhile. Selleck went on to a relatively successful film career, before returning to television to play Robert B. Parker’s Jesse Stone in a series of mostly entertaining made-for-TV movies, and star in the equally inexplicably popular Blue Bloods on CBS.

* * * * *

And that was it.

In the end, I thought of Magnum P.I. as one of those “okay, but nothing special” shows, and he was certainly no Rockford. Or Harry O. Or even Mannix. Still, a lot of people I know and respect remember it fondly, and for many folks of a certain age, Magnum was THE private eye.

So I guess I shouldn’t have been totally surprised when, almost forty years later, CBS took another whack at it.

By then, Selleck himself was already busy playing a cop in the network’s Blue Bloods (and shilling reverse mortgages in commercials), and he was probably a little long in the tooth for what CBS had in mind anyway. After all, they weren’t going to just bring the show back–they were going to “re-imagine” it.

Which means, in these days of warm-spit groupthink creativity: half-hearted tweaking that’s all surface. The basics are all still in place, without any real evidence that the showrunners had any idea (or cared) what made the original tick. Vietnam is now Afghanistan, but other than that, not much was changed. They cast a good-looking pretty guy (Jay Hernandez) as Magnum, cast some decent looking dudes as Rick and T.J., and in their only slightly daring–if predictable–bit of casting, decided that cranky, stick-up-his-ass Brit Higgins would be played by a good-looking young woman (Perdita Weeks) who just happens to be a former British intelligence agent.

The only problem? Juliet Higgins is by far the most interesting character in the show, and the only one who comes off as actually competent and tough. If they’d really wanted to “re-imagine” the show, they should have cast her as Magnum. She makes Magnum and his pals look like weenies.

But what do I know? The show’s slick and full of big loud action pieces, everyone’s affable and pleasant looking enough, there’s plenty of carefully crafted man-stubble, the plots aren’t particularly complicated, and the showrunner has a good track record, having already reheated leftovers like Hawaii 5-0 and McGyver and turning them into successful reboots. Very special crossover episodes were threatened with the revamped Hawaii 5-0, and promptly delivered.

Maybe it’ll grow on me, but it hasn’t happened yet.

And after four seasons, CBS gave up. Then along came the Peacock network, who promptly picked up the show and began streaming new episodes. The show remained more or less the same, except that Magnum and Juliet are (surprise, surprise!) now a thing, although the bickering and tit-for-tat will likely continue. Oh, and Juliet’s taken to flashing a lot more cleavage than in previous seasons.

People Magazine, in their hard-hitting capsule review of this new rendition, says ”The scenery remains enticingly rich in greenery, water and sun… and Hernandez is handsome, relaxing company.”

Relaxing? I’ll say.

Zzzzzzzz…..

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Respectfully Submitteed by Kevin Burton Smith. I don’t know who did the caricature of Magnum up at the top, but it’s been bootlegged all over the place, and you can buy T-shirts, tote bags, coffee mugs, mouse pads, socks, bookbags and probably snowshoes emblazoned with the image.

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