It’s Only Words: “Watching the Detectives” by Elvis Costello

(1977)
Performed by Elvis Costello
Words and music by Elvis Costello

With its ominous (and immediately recognizable) bass line thumping like an implied threat, and the impressionistic snapshot lyrics swiped from a million private eye tales and films noir, the P.I. is finally here, to deal with the clients “who are ready to hear the worst about their daughter’s disappearance,” and soon finds himself tempted by the promise of sex from the cold-blooded femme fatale “filing her nails while they’re dragging the lake,” only to ultimately realize that “it nearly took a miracle to get you to stay/It only took my little finger to blow you away.” Elvis warns the listener “Don’t get cute,” and this song never does. A classic.

Nice girls, not one with a defectCellophane shrink-wrapped, so correctRed dogs under illegal legsShe looks so good that he gets down and begs

She is watching the detectives“Ooh, it’s so cute”She’s watching the detectivesWhen they shoot, shoot, shoot, shootThey beat him up until the teardrops startBut he can’t be wounded ’cause he’s got no heart

Long shot of that jumping signInvisible shivers running down my spineCut to baby taking off her clothesClose-up of the sign that says: “We never close”

You snatch a chill and you match a cigaretteShe pulls the eyes out with a face like a magnetI don’t know how much more of this I can takeShe’s filing her nails while they’re dragging the lake

She is watching the detectives“Oh, he’s so cute”She is watching the detectivesOh, and they shoot, shoot, shoot, shootThey beat him up until the teardrops startBut he can’t be wounded ’cause he’s got no heart

You think you’re alone until you realize you’re in itNow baby’s here to stay, love is here for a visitThey call it instant justice when it’s past the legal limitSomeone’s scratching at the window, I wonder, who is it?

The detectives come to check if you belong to the parentsWho are ready to hear the worst about their daughter’s disappearanceThough it nearly took a miracle to get you to stayIt only took my little fingers to blow you away

Just like watching the detectivesDon’t get cuteJust like watching the detectivesI get so angry when the teardrops startBut he can’t be wounded ’cause he’s got no heart

Watching the detectivesIt’s just like watching the detectivesWatching the detectivesWatching the detectivesWatching the detectivesWe’re watching the detectivesThey’re watching the detectivesWatching the detectivesWatching the detectives

AVAILABLE ON

FURTHER INVESTIGATION

Respectfully submitted by Kevin Burton Smith.

Leave a Reply