Rigby Reardon (Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid)

Created by George Gipe, Steve Martin and Carl Reiner

Juliet Forrest: What are you doing?
Rigby Reardon: Adjusting your breasts. You fainted and they shifted all out of whack.

RIGBY REARDON is the doofus P.I. (played by Steve Martin) who gets by with a little help from his friends, in Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid, Carl Reiner’s black-and-white 1982 off-the-wall tip of the fedora (and squirt of the seltzer bottle) to the Shamus Game.

In this case, though, the friends are Humphrey Bogart (who “plays” Rigby’s boozy partner),  Peter Lorre, Bette Davis, Barbara Stanwyck, James Cagney, Veronica Lake, Burt Lancaster, Alan Ladd, Fred MacMurray, Ingrid Bergman, Kirk Douglas and the cast of about a million old detective and crime flicks from the forties and fifties. Old clips are seamlessly worked into the mix, a cinematic gimmick that really works, as opposed to the soggy subjective mess that Robert Montgomery made of Chandler’s The Lady in the Lake.

It’s 1946, and our man Rigby, a purportedly hard-boiled LA private dick,  is hired by the beautiful but mysterious Juliet Forrest (Rachel Ward) to prove that her father’s death in a freak car crash was no accident. Seems dear ol’ dad was a world-famous “cheese scientist” working on a “secret cheese recipe”.

Rigby conveniently discovers a couple of slips of paper in the dead man’s laboratory, one entitled “The Friends of Carlotta” and the other “The Enemies of Carlotta,” and sets off to track down everyone on both lists, giving him an excuse to converse with numerous Hollywood legends — thanks to the clever and generous use of archival film clips. Along the way, he naturally gets bonked on the bean and shot a few times, but nothing will stop Rigby.

Clips were used from The Glass Key, The Big Sleep, This Gun for Hire, The Postman Always Rings Twice, and a whole slew of other classic crime flicks. For the complete list, see The “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid” Cheatsheet. Film buffs might also be interested to know that the film is dedicated to costume designer Edith Head (this was her last film) and all those who worked in the classic films of the forties and fifties.

Technically, it’s flawless, with the old clips seamlessly woven in (the art direction is superb), and it’s funny as hell, a real treat for PI fans. The plot? Completely off the rails, almost as crazy as some of the films noir it pays homage to.

But Hell, it’s got both cheese and Nazis in it. What more could you want?

THE EVIDENCE

• Mr. Alfeldt: Don’t go near my daughter again. Don’t try to see her. Don’t write her and don’t phone her.
  Rigby Reardon: Can I use her underwear to make soup?
• “What’s he paying you boys? I’ll double it and we’ll beat the shit out of HIM.”
  — Rigby Reardon, to thugs.
• “Women. They tear your heart out of your chest, slice it in little pieces, cook it, serve it to you on a hot plate and you’re supposed to say, ‘Thanks, honey, it’s delicious.’ But sorry Juliet, it tastes rotten.”
  — Rigby
• “If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don’t you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles.”
  — Juliet
• “I hadn’t seen a body put together like that since I solved the case of ‘The Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.'”
  — Rigby
• “Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.”
  — Rigby

TRIVIA

• Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid was the final film for both costume designer Edith Head and film noir composer Miklós Rózsa.

FILMS

• DEAD MEN DON’T WEAR PLAID | Buy this video | Buy this DVD | Buy the Blu-Ray | Watch it now!
  (aka “Dead Men Wear No Plaid”)
  (1982, Universal Pictures)
  89 minutes
  Black and white
  Written by George Gipe, Steve Martin, Carl Reiner
  Directed by Carl Reiner
  Cinematography by Michael Chapman
  Production Design: John DeCuir
  Film Editing: Bud Molin
  Costume Design: Edith Head
  Music by Miklós Rózsa
  Produced by William E. McEuen
  Starring Steve Martin as RIGBY REARDON
  Also starring Rachel Ward, Carl Reiner, Reni Santoni, George Gaynes, Frank McCarthy, Adrian Ricard, Charlie Picerni, Gene Labell, George Sawaya, Britt Nilsson, Jean Beaudine, John Easton Stuart, Ronald Spivey, Bob Hevelone, Dieter Curt, Peter Kearns, Kent Deigaard, Eugene Brezany, Brad Baird

FURTHER INVESTIGATION

• The “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid” Cheatsheet
  The Supporting Cast and Films Used in the Making of the Film
  
• So It’s Come to This
  The Film Geeks’ Top Ten P.I. Films. James and Gustavo have spoken.

Respectfully submitted by Kevin Burton Smith.