Gimcracks, Geegaws & Other Dinguses

Private Eye Collectibles

Just in case you need something to hang on your wall, plop on your desk or otherwise catch dust, one of these sundry treasures may be just the rara-avis you’re looking for.
(By the way, if the buy links don’t work, well, that’s probably why they’re called “collectibles.”)

  • The Maltese Falcon Statuette (Replica) | Buy it!
    2008, Haunted Studios
    This deluxe, full-size replica of the 1941 Maltese Falcon Prop Statue, cast in reinforced, hardened resin. stands 12 inches tall, weighs in at a hefty thirteen pounds, and comes in optional exclusive gift packaging, wrapped in Chinese newspapers and bound with twine in Captain Jacobi’s La Paloma burlap sea bag, and comes complete with a personalized Certificate of Authenticity. Sure at somewhere around $180 or so, it’s a little pricey, but considering one of two dinguses actually made for the movie — and the only one known to have appeared on film — sold in November 2013 for four million bucks at auction, you might call this a bargain.
  • Adrian Monk Moist Towelette
    2003, Norwood
    This cleverer-than-usual promo item was shipped out by the thousands to plug the second season of Monk, the unexpectedly successful detective show featuring Adrian Monk, a quirky, germaphobic consultant to the San Francisco Police Department suffering from OCPD.
  • Detective Chimp Figurine | Buy it!
    October 2007, Eaglemoss Publications
    This hand-painted lead figurine of Detective Chimp, clutching a magnifying glass and a pipe and sporting a deerstalker cap, goes all Sherlock on you fanboys. It stands about four inches tall and weighs in at about eight issues, and came with a 20-page replica issue of The Helmet of Fate: Detective Chimp, providing detailed history and background on the featured characters, including exclusive images and interviews. This is Item #69 in Eaglemoss’ DC Comics Superhero Figurine Collection.
  • The Rockford Files Vanity License PlateBuy it!
    (2013, Celebrity Machines)
    Perfect for slapping on your Gold Pontiac Firebird Esprit, this metal-stamped prop boasts Jimbo’s actual California plate number, 853 OKG.
  • The Miss Fisher Calendar Buy it!
    (2017, Welcome Rain Publishers)
    The second of three annual calendars featuring a different still for every month of the ever-delectable Miss Phryne Fisher (Essie Davis) and her criminally attractive cohorts looking marvelous in 1920s Australian period drag.
  • Monk Bobblehead  Buy it!
    (2007, USA Cable Entertainment LLC)
    Because, why not? The figure stands about 7″ tall (slightly taller than Tony Shalhoub) and yes, the head nervously wobbles when things don’t quite meets his rather precise standards. The box even bears a warning that it may contain “dust and unfiltered air,” and urges folks to “Wash hands immediately.” It’s a jungle out there…
Respectfully submitted by Kevin Burton Smith. Seen anything cool that should be here? Lemme know!

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